why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My pussy is not your playground.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize