Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
