Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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