i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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