i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize