Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
