Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
