Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
