So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
