my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
fuck your aforementioned shoe
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
