Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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