she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
