come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
