Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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