I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize