Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
