Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
