There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize