69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
