I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
