I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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