Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
