Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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