Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
