Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize