The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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