You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
