Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
