My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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