He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
