I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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