what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize