So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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