I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You had me at "let me see your balls"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
