Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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