It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
