You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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