oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
