how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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