Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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