five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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