in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
