oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
