I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
