just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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