It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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