there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
