sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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