Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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