i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
