can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
