Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
