butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
