Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
