also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
