I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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