I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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