I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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