I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
no you cant smoke seaweed
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize