Someone shit on the floor
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
