the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
