I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
