don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
