He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
